Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
