genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
