'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I understand Curling. That high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
