I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
