I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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