Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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