Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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