he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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