I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
