I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I will be naked everywhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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