sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
