The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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