Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
