here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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