I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
