so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
