I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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