I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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