Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
love makes seman taste better
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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