If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
