I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
