My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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