I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
