No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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