I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
