I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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