I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
