If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
