Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
