you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
