Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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