garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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