I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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