if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
