You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
