Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the day after is always just damage control
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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