none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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