remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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