What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
