I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My vagina just recognized that song.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
