dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
