he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
