he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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