true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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