does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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