cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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