K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
