you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
