like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
