I need to stop coming to work sober
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Randomize
