Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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