she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
