He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
