I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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