There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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