the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
