My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
