wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
