so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i now understand why vodka
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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