I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
