it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Randomize
