"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Damn victory sex feels great
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
