The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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