the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
