Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
