And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You don't make any sense
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