He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
