I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
