i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
