I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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