saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
