If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
