Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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