im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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