walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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