Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
