Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When are your genitals available?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
