Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
50% drunk capacity currently
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
