if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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