The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
