it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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