boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
